Warning: this is much more of a journal entry than a blog post, but this is where I'm putting my thoughts tonight.
I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Good or bad, happy or sad, I don't hide them.
If I'm mad at Charles, he knows it. No matter how many times I grunt, "I'm fine."
If I'm happy, I'm laughing.
If I'm anything else... I'm probably crying.
There have been plenty of times I have been embarrassed as my emotions
stream down my face in just about every public setting you can imagine.
But when I'm pregnant... forget it. Forget trying to hold them back.
Forget being embarrassed as they pour down.
Forget that Abigail is getting embarrassed at the volume, haha.
Preschool has been an sensitive spot for me lately.
I didn't cry on the first day.
I was excited and thrilled by Abigail anxious excitement and how she walked right in and took her place in the class like she had been there all along. I love hearing about her friends, but what really gets me, is hearing her love for her teachers.
She loves them.
Ms. Cathy and Ms. Brenda have a special place in my heart.
There is something about leaving your kids with someone they love, someone who loves them and really takes care of them when you aren't there to do it.
I have been preparing Abigail for her last week of preschool next week for a few weeks now, because I know it will be hard. We aren't coming back to that preschool next year, since we will be moving.
Honestly, I'm not sure who it will be harder for... Abigail or me.
Will her next teacher be just as amazing? Will she love them? Will she pray specifically for them, like she does now? Will she ask to invite them to her birthday party? Will the teacher call her sweetheart, or sweet girl, or sweet pea, like her teachers do now?
Today when I picked her up, she was the last one as we were getting her things together, her teacher asked if we had been talking about the end of school a lot. She said that Abigail had been emotional, and just keep coming and hugging her teachers all day. She prayed last night that she would still get to see Ms Cathy and Ms Brenda every day when she goes to a new preschool.
Her teachers told me, with tear filled eyes, how happy they were that Abigail had joined their class mid year, and that it would not have been the same without her. They have both taught for a long time, and said that Abigail is one of the sweetest kids they have ever taught.
I cried. :)
I don't know why, but I cried.
It is hard leaving your kids in the care of someone else. No one will love them as much as you do. No one will think they are as special as you do. No one will put them on a pedestal like you do.
But there is something about the connection when someone else who loves them, someone else who sees their unique attributes. Someone else who will take good care of them.
That has been one of my favorite parts of seeing my parents in their role as Mimi and Pops, and my in-laws as Grandma and Baba.
I hope there will be lots of years that I feel this special bond with my kids teachers, but I think I cry, because I know there will be years, where I don't. And that makes me want to keep her in Ms Cathy's class forever, just like she has requested.